I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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