If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
