I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
