I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
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