Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
