should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
