i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
