who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
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