I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
how drunk are you?
Several
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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