We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
