I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
