The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
