so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
