Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
