My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
