sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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