I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
