Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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