just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
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