My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
