Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Randomize
