So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
