I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
