It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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