She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
i was born a porn star she said
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
