i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Randomize
