I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
