Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
