I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
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Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
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Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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