I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
