The maid of honor just puked.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
