Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
