He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
