I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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