I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize