So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
