So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
