One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
