So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
a search helicopter?!
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
