apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
