based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Randomize
