am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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