Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
