I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
