They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
