It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Randomize
