oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
