you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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