fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Randomize
