I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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