I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
