one word: firstdatebathroomanal
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
