i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Found your dick twin last night
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
