The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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