thus making me awesome and them whores
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
