They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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