I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
