shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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