I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
