Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
