the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
