wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
