This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
